What is love?
by Prankoholic
Summary: When the Enterprise is visited by an android female, Data can't seem to get her out of his positronic sub-processors. Does Geordi know what's wrong?


While working on some engineering duties, Data suddenly faced Geordi.

"Geordi, may I ask you a somewhat personal question?"

"Sure, Data, what is it?"

"Have you ever been in love?"

"Sure I have. Why do you ask?"

"I would like to experience being in love now that I have this emotion chip. But… I am not sure of how to achieve it. How does one go about falling in love?"

"Well, one doesn't do anything specific. I just happens spontaneously. Sometimes you fall in love with a person after only having just met her, and sometimes it happens over time"

"I see"

Data looked around himself until he spotted an ensign woman across the room.

"I have not met her before. I shall go and introduce myself"

"Data, we have work to do!" said Geordi, but Data was determined to meet this strange person.

"Greetings. I am Data. What is your name and rank?"

"I'm ensign Stevens"

Data just stood there and observed her for a few seconds, waiting for something to happen.

"Well, that did not work as I had hoped"

The ensign went on with her duties while Data scanned his circuits for an emotional reaction.

"Data, I didn't say you can just go up to someone and instantly fall in lo-"

Geordi noticed that Data had gotten a sleazy expression on his face. He approached the ensign in a creepy fashion, not taking his eyes off her and baring a striking resemblance to Lore.

"Well, ensign Stevens, I do not have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?"

The ensign frowned at his smug grin and outdated pickup line.

"Excuse me, sir?"

"Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?"

The ensign didn't seem to know whether to laugh or run for her life.

"All right, Data, that's enough" said Geordi and dragged him away from the ensign. "Now what was all that about?"

"I am in love with her, Geordi"

"Are you really?"

"Affirmative"

"I mean, you didn't just activate your love program consciously? The way you acted just now, that is not how you act when you are in love. That is how you act when… never mind when!"

"Something was activated, but it may not have been love at all. Now that I think about it, it did not match the information I have gathered. And furthermore, I do no longer feel it"

Geordi sighed. "Later when you're off duty, go to the pub and see if you can find someone who shares your interests"

"I shall do that"

***

Later when Data was off duty, he had gone to the Ten Forward in order to find someone to fall in love with. But first he had gone to sit at the bar to scan the place for a suitable candidate.

"Can I get you anything?" Guinan asked him.

"No thank you. I am here to look for someone to fall in love with"

"Well then you have come to the right place. What type are you into?"

"Type?"

"First of all, man or woman?"

"Woman, I assume"

"Just checking. Well, what sort of woman are you interested in? What do you look for in a potentional life partner?"

"I do not now, as I have not given it much thought.

"Hm, well I can tell you that the standard answer is beautiful, funny and intelligent. How does that sound?"

"It sounds rather nonspecific to be honest"

"That's because it is. Well, let's see… There's lieutenant Sue, she likes to paint. And there's nurse Dorsey, she plays the cello. Oh and there's Betty, recently proclaimed herself technosexual, although that's right, you don't act much like a robot anyway, do you?"

"There are mixed opinions regarding my behavior"

Suddenly captain Picard entered the pub with a young woman.

"Data! There's someone I'd like you to meet!"

The young woman was beautiful and her skin barely looked real. Even without his emotion chip had Data been able to recognize conventional beauty, but even with the chip he didn't feel any jittery feeling.

"Data, this is Daisy Mae 128K. Daisy Mae, this is Data"

Daisy Mae extended a hand. "Nice to meet you, Data"

Data noticed her movements were a tad rigid.

"Is she an android, Captain?"

"Yes"

"How advanced is she?"

"No less than you"

Datas emotion chip registered that answer as possibly offensive.

"Well, I'll leave you two alone. I have bridge duties to attend" said Picard and left the Ten Forward.

"So, Daisy Mae, what brings you on board the Enterprise?"

"When Captain Picard heard I was employed on another Starfleet vessel he insisted that my captain let me come visit"

"So, do you feel emotions?"

"No"

"Oh. Has anybody given you a tour of the ship?"

"No, that is why Picard escorted me to you although he forgot to let you know"

***

Data and Daisy finished the tour at holodeck 3.

"This is the holodeck. Do you have those on your ship?"

"Yes"

"Then you know how it operates. So, is there anything in particular you care to do next?"

"No. As I do not possess emotions, it would be sufficient if you simply informed me of the number of my quarters"

"I can escort you there if you like"

"As I do not possess emotions, I do not like nor dislike anything. Tell me the number and I will find the quarters on my own with the assistance of the vessel charts"

Data told Daisy Mae the number of her quarters and just stood there while she found out which path to take and left.

***

Back in the main control area Data pressed buttons with a speed unusually slow for him.

"Data, are you ok?" Geordi asked. "Do you need to have your circuits examined?"

"That will not be necessary. I am perfectly functional. Why do you ask?"

"You seem aloof"

"Concentrating on my tasks right now is for some undetectable reason difficult to me. My programmed sense of focused duty appears to be…uncontrollably interfered with visual information from my subprocessors"

"Yeah, what sort of visual information?"

"They appear as vague images, yet clear in identity. And they appear to augment the activity of my temperature balancer"

"I think you better be scanned for errors in your exhaust fans. Images of what?"

"Images of Daisy Mae 128K"

"Who?"

"The Enterprise is being visited by an android of female appearance and programming on the Captain's request. I have reason to suspect he wants us to get acquainted"

"Why?"

"I am not certain, but I believe that because we are of similar construction the captain thinks we somehow…match in a romantic sense"

"Oh, I see now. The captain thinks that just because you are both androids you should be hitting it of like birds of a feather"

"The Captain mentioned no involvement of any avians"

"Fine, nevermind. But really, Data, how does that make you feel? It's not exactly fair to you for him to assume that"

"I have no feelings regarding his intentions. My problem lies with the distraction I have experienced since our encounter"

"Oh, do I detect a slight crush?"

"I do not know"

"Well, does the thought of her smile make your innermost cables tingle? Does the smell of her hair cause you system failure? Does the color of her eyes reboot your positronic focus center?"

"No to all of those inquiries"

Geordi shrugged, smirked and went to the warp core. Data had some additional buttons to press before he went after Geordi.

"You think I am enamored with Daisy Mae"

"Nothing gets by you, Data"

"I do not understand. She is significantly less advanced than me. Her conversational ability is repetitive at times. Her positronic circuitry is fallible and requires rewiring. Her movements suggests a glitch in her motion controlling center. To put it bluntly she is obsolete"

"Well, maybe it's something in the way her vocalizer produces sound? Or her faint smell of titanium"

"Geordi, are you making fun of me?"

"Yes. I'm sorry"

"Apology accepted. I cannot stop processing her code sequence. What do I do?"

"Treat both of you to a disk defragmentation"

Data rolled his eyes. "Geordi"

"Or dinner"

(A/N: Yes, my technobabble leaves much to be desired. It's all poorly masked BS. But it sure is fun to try)


End file.
